What I meant to post before New Years! Ugh.

I wrote this on my BRAND NEW LAPTOP (WOOT!) while in the family vacation home in the mountains before New Years. We dont' have an internet connection up there so I have a legit reason for not posting this entry earlier!

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Life is full of decisions and every single decision made by you, initiates an action, reaction and consequence. As the year hands on the life clock slowly tick away, decisions get harder & more significant. And even with all the crap that has made itself my life in all my experiences, I still don't feel any wiser at this particular moment in time.

I'm told the bigger the hurdle, the harder the fall but the stronger the fight, the more rewarding the victory.

Here I am once again, sitting on an uncomfortable rock at the beginning of a crossroad which will lead to another, and then another, and still another. These forked roads with shining vegas lights shouting "pick me, I'm the easy way out" and "my arduous roads will reap more worthwhile benefits" are familiar, but now, the reality has finally kicked in.

2006 has been an amazing, but granted, long and difficult year. There has been so much going on, although on the inside - my heart has been pumping pain, my mind thinking in confusion and my soul walking blindly. While on the surface, many a thing is sane and stable, exciting and exhilarating; in those stolen silences I nurse a deep dark bruise of uncertainty and frustration. Don't read me wrong, my life is full of amazing grace and I have lived many a blessing. Life is truly great and I have lived it as full as the next person, with sincere enjoyment, but currents of anxiety have coarsed through yours truly through it all.

I live life in its throes and prefer to take things as they come, but still need the sketchy constructions of a solid future. I want. I need. I need. I want. There are people to talk to, things to say, plans to make - "I don't want to rush things, I just need to know it's real & worth it". "I don't know if it's possible, but tell me you'll help me". "Everything you do affects the people that love you and right now you're hurting them". "You keep saving, I can see you crumbling; who is there for you?". "I have tried and tried but my patience is wearing thin". And there's so much more.

This year is going to be difficult and the emotional backpack I'm wearing into the New Year isn't a sprinting start. But I'm excited for the prospects because I'm going to grow, and learn and live to the best of my abilities. On top of that I have an amazing few people I know I can count on, and they know who they are.

Here's to 2007 and the unexpected, the dreams that are made, the hopes that are truth, the mountains climbed, the forgiveness healed and the experiences that make us who we are!